credits: tumblr

"I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know"

- Taylor Swift

nights like these are somewhat therapeutic. it's like I reflect upon my life and everything that has been happening. and I start writing in prose. good music aid this process though. it's not easy flipping through page by page in your mind, seeing where you are now and yearning to be somewhere else. but I think it's somewhat better now, definitely better than 4 months ago.

I think some people look back at times when they were extremely vulnerable, when they said the stupidest things they can ever comprehend, and then feel embarrassed because they have done something they're ashamed of. ditto actually. just that I choose to take it a different way. no idea why, or what. but perhaps it's in me to not want to regret things. I rather do something stupid and not regret it, than miss out on the chance and then bash myself after that (because either way I'd bash myself, just that it's better to do so w/o a regret).

seeing people having many choices, being vexed because their legit problem is they have too many problems (Mark Gee this is for you), cant help feeling envious. I mean, I'm genuinely happy for them and I know they know it. then I start to wonder what really went wrong, I mean okay I know part of the reason why I didnt do well. but I just cant help but feel unjust for myself. sigh Mel, sigh. move on. well I do have a dilemma, like being forced to do something I dont wanna do. still slightly thankful I have a few choices tho.

but apart from those unhappiness, I have to yet again say that I'm really really thankful for all the teachers and also Mrs Chia and like my friends and just everyone who showed their love and care and concern because I was crying so terribly on results day. it's not a rare sight that I break down in public but I know everyone was genuinely concerned and I'm just so so thankful for everyone around me, who bothered to follow up on me and walked me through my decisions for the different uni apps, truly blessed :')

so whats up with me these days, I have stopped my subway job because i'm pretty sick and tired of the environment, despite nice workmates and extra motivation during closing shift. but naaaah. when it's gotta stop it's gotta stop. floating around taking on random part time jobs and the parents arent v pleased. okok I'll settle down w something soon, just give me a lil more time.

quite excited for tomorrow cuz I finally picked up dance after so many years of deliberating and contemplating and doubting myself. even tho the primary purpose is just to keep fit due to the endless midnight snackings, I know i'm gna enjoy it! and this is one of the many things I want to do during this long holidays. pretty determined to get my driving licence before uni starts altho i'm not gonna have a car but yeah that'll be pretty much one burden down I guess. BTT's on 31 Mar I better not let carelessness kill me. hopefully I'll walk out feeling as fab as I did during the trial.

guitar ugh, that one thing I really wanna learn too but my parents are insistent that I'm not gonna touch another instrument until I complete my g8 piano this sept. BUT THEN AGAIN i'm getting so lazy to prac and to attend lessons. but I'm pretty darn screwed if this goes on so I'd better buck up. cannot afford to fail g8 omg the fees are $440 my heart aches just seeing it. 

and I definitely wanna bake more and sharpen my skills but then again I gotta find some guinea pigs to fatten. loads of stuff on my to-learn list and I've wasted enough time moping around and drowning my self-worth I really gotta get back on track. after all there are always people here for me, people that I might not have treasured dearly in the past but they're still here for me. what have I done to deserve this goodness really.

on a final note, spending quite a lot of time with the team ever since As were over, really thankful for all the love and fun we share. still tryna make up for the things I never did actually. but just happy for all the times we've been spending together since exams ended :)

now to end of the post with a more light-hearted picture spam! so tiring arranging in chronological order zzz.

birthday eve polaroid with Mr Chang! :DD HAHA cant get over how he took 10s to realize what a polaroid is, and then enthusiastically asked if he could have one to keep LOL.

chock full of bean w weiting on my birthday, thanks woman^^ 

after I accepted the challenge to almost finish the drink w/o destroying the latte art ^^

Mad for Garlic birthday treat from jingheng! (:
apparently I was having a pimple breakout so the selfies all look like crap -.-

rosti with siowying and rachel on the 18th, sadly no picture with them cause we were too engrossed with shopping and uhm looking for food. and me for my autograph session with Elvin Ng.

AHHHHHH :DDDDDD 

Paris Baguette brekkie w Ching on the 18th (:

picnic w the homies on the 19th at Marina Barrage! 

the plushie I got from The Ship restaurant when the fam celebrated my birthday (:

Kith Cafe w part of the team :)

dessert afternoon with yuping for her TGIF HAHA.

selfies w the cutest boys ever so thankful for the special bond I share w them despite the humongous age gap!

surprised the BFF on her birthday eve with some orange cupcakes! <3

selfies + photo w the family at CDF's CNY reception I totally love how I look in those photos omggg. 

afternoon out with Addeh eating desserts ^^ 

jiaolian's birthday surprise for the Feb babies!

Happy Birthday Salt Solution!

YAY TNPS JUNIORS :D

yay photos w all the schools I facil-ed for FOS and super happy I got to facil TNPS also! :DD

just some random selfies when we were fooling around during rest time! <3 

vday dinner with the team <3

day out at the museums, eating good and fattening food with HTHT with part of the team too <3

group photos to end off FOS!

and we got a cap which everyone signed on ^^

and ended off w Astons dinner with the facils!

starbucks date w wanyu (: joined by addeh soon after but no photo :<

Balik Kampung at Bottle Tree Park :) love the peaceful feeling there man.

photos with the team yet again, but <3! @ Baby Dean's 1st month celeb!!

ahhh just look at how tiny and precious this little boy is!!! (: 

bumped into korrine so many many times @ NTU we decided we need to take a photo!
it's great seeing you after so long girl!

team birthday celeb for yvonne and bryan at NTU!

Vietnamese Pho at JEM with ching after NTU :)

random selfie on ting's car to NUS cause I was too boreddd~ 

birthday surprise + staycation w the team for florence's birthday <3 damn proud of our 30min surprise LOL.

after tutoring session w yuping where she wanted some comfort food (mcdonalds icecream LOL) and I wanted a photo with the pretty balloons at the atrium of Compass Point! and I swear this girl fattens me too much T.T

OKAY IM DONE THAT PHOTO SPAM WAS QUITE TIRING. AND IT'S 3.50AM I NEED MY BED NOW. GOODNIGHTZ GUYS.