The pain passes, but the beauty remains. - Pierre Auguste Renoir

Finding myself. 

I havent been having the easiest of time ever since As ended. Throughout all these uncertainties, grappling around with life and trying to figure things out, I was always comforted with a single thought - that I'll eventually find myself. 

But I havent.

I need some answers, which I have to search for by myself. It's pretty sickening to keep having to experience these ups and downs and hurt and feel better and hurt and feel better again. Constant disappointments in my life that I have to face, and it doesnt help that truths are often being with-held because I've been a brat in the past. 

Was just thinking about the times I've had w the psch gang. I may have said this a million times over but I am still gonna say it again. I cannot be more thankful for such genuine friendships. Whatever we say to each other, all those insults and etc probably wont even stay for 5s before we burst out laughing again. Perhaps this is how I am blessed.

I just need a breakthrough. It's tiring to be walking about in one spot. Even more tiring to be bothered about so many things around me but not giving myself enough attention. I dont like what I'm becoming, really. It's scary to see myself morph into another being altogether. 

And then all of a sudden funny things start happening to me. Like I still find it hard to believe what actually happened on Saturday but well, it's probably due to massive confusion. But yet, if thats my way of solving problems, then it just proved the whole point I was trying to get for so long. That I was wrong. 

Hoping for some unknown force to steer me back into a proper track, to follow an assured direction, and for me to finally regain that peace I thought I had a few weeks back. 

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