it's so queer how you can see people destroying themselves eternally but yet know that they arent as they portray. I actually have tons of respect for you, for believing in what you think and for trying to set things right altho it wasnt the wisest decision you've made in forever. I think what matters most to people is knowing that there are some people that are able to see through the strong fronts and facades, and know that sometimes we are not what we seem to be. and I salute you for being able to, even though you might not have the best hopes about this, you still did it. 

yesterday was a learning journey for me, everyone I talked to provided me with new insights about my life in its current state, and what I am going to expect in the year ahead. everyone was being kind, even though I didnt exactly deserve it. everyone had their perspectives, based on what they experienced in their lives, and what they have experienced in other people's lives. like ruizheng said "I'm using my experience to help others, and you can use your experience to help others too", thats why they say what goes around comes around, yes? 

I learnt that effortless is not a way of life. sure there may be times you feel on the top of the world when you get something effortlessly, I have been there before and I wont even try to deny the sweetness of that feeling. but somehow, the world isnt so easy, things will never always come so easily, you put in the effort to get what you deserve.

well then do I, or should I respect people who thrive from effortless successes and cannot be bothered to maintain what the things that they actually put in effort for? firstly I feel that respect is earned, if you respect me I will more-or-less give you some form of respect. but if you're the sort who still lead the way of life I do not approve of, I probably wont be able to maintain a long-standing acquaintanceship with you.

all I can say is that I'm only human, and I make mistakes.
but I'm beyond blessed for the people who would do anything for me :')