got this urge to blog again.
cuz i was feeling so annoyed w myself.
maybe because i still havent overcome the unhappiness, despite my pathetic attempts to convince myself that i did. sigh.

wokeup at noon.
felt lousy because i lost some precious hours that i could've been doing work.
yeah. worse still, i lay in bed till bout 1pm, because i was just feeling too tired.
went out for lunch w my parents and by the time i got home it was 4pm.
sickening how time flies eh.

and now, 20hours have past and i havent done a single piece of work.
ohgosh, it's only 39 days to endofyears.
i need to buck up and stop feeling so lazy.
i'm currently stuck w the literature homewowrk.
because this poem is so...well i cant find the word to describe it.
it isnt my style, to be exact.
i never did like stories or poems bout loneliness and isolation.
because that feeling is so sucky, and i hate to read bout people going through things like these. even though most of the time i dont even think those stories are true.

well, it's a fact that i still gotta start w work. but im hungry ): ahwell.
i really dont like studying at home.
it's unproductiveness x1000. idc if thr's even such a word.
unproductiveness, hah.

really glad that i can get out of the house, even at night, to study w prisch friends :)
they're a bunch of lovely people, always willing to help.
i can always feel a sense of warmth when i'm w them even though we might not have been super ultra close in prisch.
thats my definition of friends :)
plus, i love to see how we really stick up for each other. a
nd feel injustice shld someone get treated unfairly by anyone at all.
i really miss those times when things were more transparent, and so easy.

unlike now.
when everyone wears a cold and unfeeling mask.
and how i really dislike the environment.
i mean, i hate it when i can see who's being a two-faced bitch and who's not.
it's so freaking obvious lah please -.-
but yet i cannot do anything.
oh and to quote something i saw on fb lately:
'you hate a two-faced bitch? wait till you see poly-faced ones'
yeah, the world is getting scarier, as we grow up especially.
what were we thinking as kids?
we've been comparing the world of adults and children in lit, and there was this video that Mr Ken showed us in la recently. i cannot help but be afraid to progress on into the next stage of my life.

i came here to blog an angry post.
but then, i decided not to.
why must i publicise my anger for everyone to see?
well, it's not that i wanna hide this side of me.
there's just no need to show it.

i just well, feel rather lost.
i vividly remember the times in year2, when i was so happy because i loved both helea and my team so much.
i guess that was pretty much the best year i had in this school? (i'm talking bout school related matters only by the way)

but now, i dont know.
i dont even see my teammates that often now. much less talk to them.
and i'm not even talking bout a real heart to heart talk here mind you.
and then i'm in this class that i really cant do anything freely.
i mean, i dont feel at ease here.
i really dont.
i dont like it here. and i'm not afraid to say it out.
because nobody really cares, right?
i dont know how i coped, but i just did.
been really so lousy nowadays, dont even know if anyone will care if i were to faint in class suddenly. so tired of everything.
okay correction: dont even know if anyone will TRULY care.
never had a class like this, and i really feel like it's not that i didnt make the effort.
i did.
nobody paid attention to it.
i swallowed my pride and tried ways to blend in.
but did anyone give me a chance?

they're really nice people. i know they are. it's just that, i dont feel the warmth.
i dont feel the comfort that people get from classes. maybe it's just me, you might say.
but have you ever thought, it might be them too?
i once told someone, i dont like on the surface friendships. which is why im not even pretending to be nice.
daddy tells me that i must be nice to some people even if i dont want to.
well, doesnt apply here.

so i'm about to contradict myself.
i cant wait for this year to end.
so that i can go to a new class, or maybe even a new school.
for a new beginning.
dont misunderstand me, i'm not being so unfeeling that i wont miss the school.
of course i will, those lovely people who helped me so much along the way.
those who've been by my side thru my smiles or my tears.

i've learnt so much these two years. (ofcourse during the first 2 years too)
through everything.
basketball too. so many things happened these two years, i've lost track of them.
i've had lots of emotions running thru me from those incidents, but i dont regret them.
people asked if i regret joining basketball.
here's my answer: NO.

anyway, i've grown to learn how to ignore.
yeap, i personally feel that that's one of the most important skills in life.
with it, you can actly take shit and throw them back into the face of the person who gave it to you. just because you dont give a damn.

alright, enough for today.
ciao!